


Disgusting

by Taekook339



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Awkwardness, Bottom Keith (Voltron), Child Abandonment, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Galra Keith (Voltron), Happy Ending, Hearing Voices, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance is a sweetheart, M/M, Memories, Mental Breakdown, Mind Meld, Mutual Pining, No Smut, Pining, References to Depression, Sad Keith (Voltron), Schizophrenia, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Soft Keith (Voltron), Top Lance (Voltron), Vulnerability, but it's referenced - Freeform, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-07 04:04:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16400969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taekook339/pseuds/Taekook339
Summary: Keith’s been having many problems lately, but no one seems to notice. He’s struggling with being in love with lance, he’s terrified and hurt because he thinks Lance hates him, he doesn’t feel like he belongs, he feels like he’s a monster, he’s afraid that no one trusts him now, he’s scared and hurt and he feels all alone because he’s just “the lone wolf”. No one notices though. No one notices the bags under his eyes, no one notices the mistakes he makes from exhaustion, no one notices the sleepless nights, no one notices the dried tear tracks on his cheeks at breakfast, no one notices his constant absences, no one notices him training all day and night, no one notices because no one asks. No one asks him how he’s doing until it gets to the point of them not being able to form Voltron. No one notices until they use the mind meld equipment again to see what’s wrong. No one notices until everything in Keith’s head is shown to them, and he can’t stop it from happening.





	Disgusting

**Author's Note:**

> I've been dealing with a lot of shit recenetly including homophobia, depression, anxiety, death, and more so here's a shitty angst filled fanfiction that I spent a few days on. Sorry about the long break from my other 2 ongoing stories, but I've been in a slump lately.

Every night lately, I lie awake. Unable to focus on sleep due to the constant thoughts racing around in my head, I haven’t slept in days. Even tonight, where on earth it would be about 4:36 in the morning, I’m still awake with eyes peeled open as I stare at my ceiling in exhaustion. I can feel my eyelids drooping, but I know that if they fall closed I won’t really be asleep, I’ll just be staring at the wall they create over my eyes as they give me the false hope of rest.

Sometimes I’m worried I might be schizophrenic. Hundreds of voices in my head, running around and speaking at the same exact time, overlapping every other thought to try and be the most heard. They’re not other voices though, they’re just my own. Hundreds of my own thoughts banging against my skull and fighting to be released from my mouth. Worries, fears, anxiety, you name it. Each thought darker than the one before, and none of them kind. Even the voice in my head that tries to tell me it’s okay, that voice is still sarcastic and blunt.

“ _ You’re a monster. The enemy that we’re fighting against. Allura hates and fears you, and so does your team. They’re just waiting for you to snap so they can take you down as well. They’re waiting for their opportunity. _ ” One whispers to me.

“ _ Lance hates you. He wants nothing to do with you, and you know that the second he realizes how much better he is they’ll be no reason for him to stick around you anymore. He’ll never love you, you’ll never even be his acquaintance. Right now, you’re just an obstacle to him. Someone for him to call a rival, someone for him to fixate hatred and frustration towards. Once he realizes he’s already stronger and better than you, he’ll move on. _ ” Another says to me, it’s voice growing louder as the words go on.

“I know that” I think to myself, thinking that maybe if I agree with them they’ll leave me alone. They never do though.

“ _ You’re a loner. No one wanted you, and now you distance yourself from everyone to avoid abandonment. You’ve lost so many people you’ve cared about, and you know it’s all your fault. All your fault that they didn’t want you anymore. Your mother never loved you enough to stay, your father preferred risking his life in a fire than being with you, Shiro found going to space was more important than raising you, and you never even had a friend. You’re too much of a burden for people to care about you, too much of a burden for people to want to deal with you. That’s why everyone leaves, but now you don’t even give them a chance. You don’t let anyone get close to you, and now no one even wants to try. You’ve always been the odd one out when it comes to the paladins. The reason why things go wrong, the liability. That’s always been you. Even your lion refused to want you until she was given no choice but to save your life. Everyone leaves you so you block out anyone who wants to be with you, and then get upset over how lonely you are. It’s your fault. It’s your fault that no one wants to stay by your side, it’s your fault that no one wants to become friends with you because you push them away, and it’s your fault that you’re not good enough. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t cry about how lonely you are, but then block everyone out. You can’t cry about how everyone abandons you, but then continue being the problem child that you are. It’s your fault, if only you were a different person maybe someone would actually care about you. _ ” Another joins in.

I can feel the tears flowing down my cheeks, but I don’t try to stop them. I just let them stream down, tear after tear, until morning time. Getting out of bed, wiping my chin, ears, and mouth of the tears still dripping and replace my shirt with the soaked collar for a clean one. Getting out of bed is always a chore lately though. It takes forever to find the strength and motivation to even think about getting up, and then I have to put so much energy into actually doing that. Sitting up isn’t the hard part, it’s lifting my body up into a standing position. The energy I have to create to do that when all I want is to lay in bed for months just staring at an empty wall, is astronomical. It makes me feel so lazy, but I know that’s not the case.

I can feel my face being all stiff and tight from the dried tear tracks on it, but I ignore the gross feeling and just head to the kitchen table for breakfast. I deserve to feel gross, and no one’s noticed the tear tracks before. 

I whisper a simple and quiet greeting as I enter the kitchen, but no one says anything in return. I’m just met with the silence of no response, and the clinking of spoons dipping into bowls of food goo. I grab a bowl anyway and go to sit in my usual seat next to Lance. My seat is already taken though, Hunk’s body filling the space my own usually does. The only seat open right now, it the one right next to Allura. I make the only decision I can, and place my food goo back where I got it from and walked out of the kitchen. I watched as no one even noticed my leave, and headed down to the training room. Allura is the last person that would ever want me sitting anywhere near them right now, and I can’t help but feel like my heart dropped into my stomach when I realized my seat next to Lance was taken. I’ve always sat there. Sure it’s a silly thing to get upset over, and I know that Hunk and Lance are really close friends… But that’s always been my seat.

I set the training bot up to level 26, knowing the highest I’ve been able to do is level 22, to forget about the feelings coursing through me. From the moment the robot charges towards me, my mind shuts off. Each thought, that always fills my head, is muted. I manage to duck under the first swing, block the second, and get one of my own hits to make contact before the first hit gets me. The robot lifts its leg up to kick me in the stomach, and I don’t move away fast enough. The hit lands right on my side, just barely getting me, and I go flying sideways, my body twisting towards the impact as I fall to the ground. I can feel the bruise already forming on my side, and I can’t help but smile at the pain I’m feeling. I deserve this. 

When the next hit comes in, I wasn’t prepared for it. The kick sending me into the air again as I smack into the wall. I can feel my wrist snap as it gets smashed in front of me as I hit the wall, and I know that it’s at least fractured. I curl into myself as I call off the level, ending the program before someone finds out what I’ve allowed to happen. I spend some time on the floor, preparing to get up as I catch a glimpse of blue from the doorway. My head swivels to the left to see if I really saw someone, but no one seems to be there. I quickly get up, groaning in displeasure as I avoid using my right wrist any more than I have to.

I decide to just head back to my room for now and find out how to hide my injury from the other members. As the doors slide closed behind me in my room, I can’t help but to let out a small weakened sob as the thoughts already start rushing back into my head. I want it to end, but I know that’s not possible. I head to the bathroom instead of dwelling on the thoughts, and start searching for a wrap to use on my wrist. As I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I can’t help but cringe at my appearance. There are thick dark circles under my eyes, my face is paler than it’s ever been, my eyes are reddened and slightly swollen from my nightly crying, and I can still see the dried tracks of tears on my face. Has everyone really not realized how bad I look, or do they realize and just don’t care?

“ _ Of course they don’t care. _ ” I think, but I focus back on finding some wrap before I get sucked into that thought too much. Luckily I find the white gauze wrap pretty quickly, unraveling it and wrapping it around my sore wrist to help whatever’s wrong with it heal. I know I should probably go into one of the healing pods, but if everyone found out that I had gotten myself hurt like an idiot they’d just think I was even more of a burden and I wouldn’t be allowed to use the training room alone anymore. That can’t happen. The only time my thoughts quiet down is when I’m training in that room. I can’t lose that. 

The moment I finish securely wrapping my wrist the alarms sound off. Alarms blaring as Allura’s voice telling us we’re under attack rings throughout the castle. I hesitate for only a moment before getting to work on putting my armor on and getting down the shoot to my lion. My wrist throbs in pain as I hold onto the bar taking me down the shoot into my lion, and I hiss out a small whimper. I feel my strength start to lessen as the time passes by on the zip line like contraption, but I keep my grip steady. The moment I’m in my lion, I feel my wrist nearly give out.

We start up our lions and head to battle, but I can feel Red’s hesitation. She can feel my pain and depression, and I know that she’s worried on if I can perform. That doesn't stop her from letting me control her though, and it certainly doesn’t stop her from engaging in battle anyway. My mental and/or physical state doesn’t matter here, all that matters is that we protect everyone else.

I start to regret that decision, however, when I realize how many times I’m getting hit. My lion taking the brunt of the hits while I’d normally be able to dodge them better than everyone else. No one seems to notice though. Even the Princess and Shiro don’t mention my multiple hits while they tell Pidge to be careful after only one. Even Lance only gets hit once, and that was to push Pidge’s lion out of the way of a shot her smaller lion wouldn’t be able to handle. No one pushes me out of the way, no one tells me to be careful, no one asks if I’m okay after I get hit by a beam too powerful for me, and no one even seems to notice me besides the enemies shooting me. 

I can feel my heart breaking. While I come off as strong and cold a lot to the other members, I’m actually really vulnerable and easily hurt. I just don’t like to express my pain, but even I can’t help the slight whimper I release as I hold back tears. If anyone hears it through the comms, they don’t mention it.

“Paladins, we can’t take them all like this. We need to form Voltron.” Shiro shouts into the headsets, each of us receiving his message.

I can feel my stomach drop at the idea, but I listen to him anyway. We fly into formation, getting ready to fuse together… but nothing happens. Nobody transforms, and the only things heard besides the shots of fire behind us is the confused murmurs of my teammates. 

“Paladins! What’s wrong, why can’t you form Voltron? Is everyone okay?” Allura’s concerned voice reaches us from the lion, and everyone confirms that they’re just fine.

“We’re fine, we must have just not all been ready. We’ll try one more time, everyone calm down and relax.” Shiro tells us.

I force myself to listen once more, and we get into formation again. It works, but not well. The moment we fuse together, everyone groans. It’s like the entirety of Voltron is filled to the brim in negative energy. Fear, confusion, pain, hurt, and more all wrapped up and slammed into every paladins face. 

“Wha-what is th-that? I feel like I’m getting all the life sucked out of me.” Lance stutters out, clearly out of breath.

“I don’t know, but I don’t know how much I can take of this. It’s like someone is strangling me from every angle.” Hunk speaks out.

I try my hardest to reign in my feelings. Suck them back into a hiding place so they’re not surrounding us anymore, but I can’t. Now that they’re all out there, it’s like a dam has broken. For every second that passes with us in Voltron’s form, that negativity gets worse. The more I’m sat here connected to everyone else, it’s like every horrible emotion I have is spilling out of me and into everyone else. 

“Princess, we need you to get a wormhole open. Something has happened to the lions, and we can’t keep Voltron’s form much longer. We can’t fight like this” Shiro tells Allura, his voice shaking.

The moment the words leave Shiro’s mouth, I can feel everything around me instantly drop temperature. The room became like ice, and the negativity tripling in an instance. The paladins all groan in pain, and I can hear Hunk freaking out over the comms. 

“ _ I don’t want to be a burden. We can’t fight because of me. Look at what I’ve done. I’ve screwed up the entire thing, now we have to run away. I don’t want to run away, not anymore. If we leave now, they’ll find out it was my fault. They’ll know I’m not good enough. They know I’m holding them back. They’ll tell me I’m a burden and then find a replacement for the red lion. I’m not good enough.” _ I think to myself as we slowly make our way into the wormhole Allura created. 

The second we make it through, the lions separate. Everyone lets out a collective sigh as we fly back to the castle, and enter the lion hangar. I prepare myself for the inevitable confrontation, and get out of my lion first, watching as the other paladins slowly join me. Each of them look like they’ve been through hell and back, and I know they’ll see that I’m the only one not affected. 

“Paladins, what happened out there?” I flinch as I see and hear Allura heading towards us.

“I don’t know. At first, we couldn’t form Voltron, so I figured we were just unable to focus or someone came in late. I suggested we try again, and it worked the second time. Something was wrong though. It was like the entire thing was filled with a certain darkness, it was almost like I could taste the negative emotions. The air was chilled and suffocating, and we were in no shape to fight like that.” Shiro explains in a weak voice.

“I don’t think that was me, guys.” Hunk states. “I’m pretty sure it had to have been one of us, but I’m almost positive I’ve never felt like that before.”

“How about we use the mind-melding equipment. The last time we did it, it helped us form Voltron for the first time. Maybe this time it’ll help us figure out where all the negativity is coming from, and then we can figure out how best to deal with it.” Allura tells us, but all I could focus on was her saying about figuring out how to best deal with the negativity.

“I don’t know about that Princess…” Lance spoke out, voice trailing off at the end as though he was hesitant to say anymore. “Whatever that was back there, I know that if that was me feeling those things, I wouldn’t want those exposed to everyone. It’s like taking someone’s vulnerable state, and exposing it to everyone.” He finishes, voice stronger with confidence this time.

My head snaps over to him in surprise. I’ve never heard him so serious before. Sure he’s not always the goofball of the group, and he is serious when he needs to be, but this is something else entirely. His face is set into a displeased expression, lips forming a straight line. He doesn’t at all seem excited towards the prospect of using the equipment, and if anything he seems concerned. His eyes meet mine for a moment, and it’s in that moment that I realize… He knows it was me. The other members may not be positive on who it is yet, and he may not be sure on the reasons for my emotions, but he knows it’s me. The look in his eyes as he almost stares through me, that’s how I know that he knows. How I know that he’s saying this almost as if to protect me.

“I understand that Lance, but this is getting in the way of forming Voltron. We all have a duty to defend the universe, and some negative emotions aren’t important enough to put that on hold. I’m sorry, but we need to solve this now.” Allura states with finality.

“I hate that mentality so much! We’re just teenagers that accidentally found a giant robot lion. We didn’t ask to be in charge of the safety of the universe, and we didn’t ask to be forced to put our lives on the line for others. You make it seem like we’re the only people in the whole universe that can pilot these lions, and we’re not! It was completely by chance that all five of us managed to be at the same place at the same time. There was a huge chance that Hunk and I wouldn’t have joined Pidge up on the roof that night, there was a huge chance that Shiro’s ship wouldn’t have crashed that day, there was a huge chance that Keith wouldn’t have tried to rescue Shiro that day, and there was a huge chance that I wouldn’t have recognized Keith that day. There’s just no possible way that we were magically the only four people who could pilot these lions. I bet you anything that you would have given that same speech to any five people that just so happened to arrive in this ship! We want to go home, but we chose to stay here and fight. We chose this. We’re no less important than the people we’re protecting…” Lance shouts out in annoyance, taking everyone by shock.

“It’s fine Lance. Whoever is the one causing the problem-” I give Lance a pointed look as I speak. “Is someone who will have to deal with those problems sooner or later regardless. Right now we have a duty to protect people from the Galra race, and anything getting in the way of that needs to be fixed.” I sigh out, exasperated with the whole situation.

Obviously, I don’t want them to find out what’s wrong, so I just won’t think about it. I’ll think about other things, and then we’ll end the mind-meld with zero information on what was causing the problem. I won’t allow this to happen again, and we’ll all move on. Problem solved I guess.

“ _ What if you mess everything up? What will they think about you once they realize you’re the problem? What will  _ **_Lance_ ** _ think about you after he finds out about your unnatural obsession with him? What will he think after he realizes the disgusting feelings you harbor towards him? They’re not normal, and he’ll realize that. They’ll all find out how much of a freak you are.”  _ I ignore the thoughts as I make my way over to the other paladins, grabbing one of the headsets and sitting down in the circle. I clear my mind the best I can and try to focus on better memories. As I place the headset on, I focus on the first memory I have of Shiro. 

The session starts off just like it did the first time we tried it. We all get a glimpse of Lance playing with his large family, a glimpse of a younger Pidge playing with Matt and their dog Bae-Bae, a glimpse of Shiro training some newer cadets, and a glimpse of Hunk cooking dinner with his mother. The same scenes we’ve all seen before, the only thing new is what I show. I’ve never talked about how I met Shiro, but I guess it’s not too much of a big deal if the other’s find out. 

The scene starts off with me at age twelve, watching the other kids playing on a flight simulator as I distance myself from them. Standing multiple feet away from any of the other kids as I watch in young fascination. Everyone kept failing the simulator, big red X’s flashing in front of each kid’s faces, no one able to get passed even the second level. No one ever really paid much attention to me, so I never tried to participate, I was just a problem child to them. Suddenly, someone tapped on my shoulder and I looked up to see Shiro. He was standing right beside me, and I realized in surprise that he was talking to me. 

“Why don’t you give the simulator a shot? See what you can do.” He told me.

I remember seeing an in right then. A way for me to finally try out the machine that I’ve been dying to try since the beginning. I tried not to show that I was excited, but I could tell I wasn’t doing a very good job of it. When I went onto the simulator, I realized it was much easier than the other kids made it seem. I dodged each of the meteors coming towards me and sped through level after level. By the time I realized what had happened I was already on level six, five levels higher than anyone else had beaten so far. I was excited, and I turned around for a moment to see if Shiro was proud of me. Shiro, however, was busy discussing something with a woman. I tuned into the conversation as I started level 7, but quickly froze up as I heard what the woman was saying. 

“Keith? No, he’s what we like to call a ‘problem child’. He doesn’t listen to discipline, and he’s only here because it’s required if you’re an orphan. What about James here? He’s a straight A student, and he’s listed to be one of our top graduates.” She tells Shiro.

I clench my fists as I hold back tears, and leave without anyone even noticing. The only sound signaling I’ve left the simulator is the whine it makes saying I’ve lost the level. I don’t think as I get into Shiro’s car, turning the keys and racing away from everyone. I can hear the shocked yells behind me, but I can’t see anything past the tears blurring my vision. I almost crash off of the road, but I manage to pull over instead. I just sat there, crying in someone else’s car as I waited for the police to eventually come. They didn’t. Instead of the police, I heard someone walking up to the car, the gravel crunching under their shoes as they make their way towards me. I rush to dry the tears off of my face, vigorously rubbing at my cheeks and eyes with the sleeve of my jacket.

By the time the person makes it to the car door, there’s not a trace of any tears on my face. They knock on the window, and I turn to the left to see Shiro standing outside of the car.  I wasn’t surprised by it to be completely honest. If anyone was going to show up, besides the police, I could only assume it would’ve been the owner of the car. I open up the door for him and he reaches a hand out to me, waiting for me to take it and get out of the car.

That day ended with Shiro offering to train me. He promised me a spot at the Garrison and taught me everything I know today. He promised me he’d never give up on me, and he always made sure I was studying. Putting his trust into me to succeed in class and become the pilot he wanted me to be. I didn’t want to disappoint him.

“ _ But you did. He went missing, and you got kicked out. _ ” The thoughts started coming in, and I heard the others gasp in surprise. “ _ You got into fights all the time, and you know how disappointed that made him. You couldn’t control your emotions, and you kept screwing up. Now you’re the enemy. You’re part of the race that your fighting against, he must be even more disappointed in you now. You’re a disgrace. He’s going to leave you again just like your parents. He’s probably waiting for the first chance he gets.” _

“Keith, we can take the headsets off...”Pidge hesitantly speaks out.

“ _ Look, you’re screwing up again. You’re making people worry about you. They’re being forced to feel bad for someone like  _ **_you_ ** _. The  _ **_enemy_ ** _. How gross. Why can’t you just be normal? If you were normal then you wouldn’t be such a screw-up. You’re always the problem. Look at them, look at how disgusted they are with you. You’re putting everyone in danger because you can’t do anything right.”  _ I squeezed my eyes shut and held my head in my hands trying to block out the thoughts, but a new voice joined in instead.

“ _ Why are you getting upset? You know everything is true, and they were gonna find out anyway. They already knew how terrible you were, even before they found out you were galra. They knew you were a freak, a monster pretending to be human. What right do you have to be acting upset? No one cares. _ ” I started seeing black spots behind my eyelids from squeezing them closed so hard, but I couldn’t bring myself to open them.

All of a sudden I could see every breakdown I’ve had the past few weeks playing out for everyone to see. Training until I nearly passed out, letting the training bot beat me up because I deserve it, lying awake every night sobbing all alone, walking into the kitchen with tears drying on my face and no one noticing, seeing myself in the mirror every day and realizing how awful my appearance was becoming, hurting my wrist in private training this morning and the fear I felt thinking I wouldn’t be allowed to do it anymore, sitting all alone in the back of the room wondering why no one ever talks to me, wondering if my teammates wanted me to disappear, and then at the very end remembering the pain and abandonment I felt as I saw my seat taken this morning. The scenes were shown to every paladin here, and I couldn’t hold back the tears that fell through my tightly closed eyelids as I realized that they know everything now.

“Keith...” Lance whispers out in concern, his voice laced with sympathy.

“ _ Oh look, he cares. _ ” I flinch, every paladin flinching with me as a large wave of vulnerable fear hits them straight in the face. The air so thick with terror that you could cut it with a knife.

“ Stop, please stop.” I could feel my whole body shake, as everyone heard my begging out loud.

“ _ Stop what? Do you not want him to know? How ignorant. You just don’t want him to hate you. To find out how  _ **_disgusting_ ** _ you are. You’re selfish. You don’t want him to find out because then you won’t be able to use him for your disgusting fantasies anymore. He’ll want nothing to do with you anymore. The stupid rivalry between you both will cease to exist, and you’ll have no excuse to get his attention. He’ll find out how much better you are than him, and he won’t care about you anymore. You think his hatred is good enough for you, but now you’ll just be nothing. Your obsession will push him away, and your feelings will fill him with horror. Is that what it is? _ ” The voice was practically shouting at me now, completely blocking out the pleas that continued to spill out from between my lips.

“ _ Of course that’s what it is. It’s so obvious that you love- _ ” I rip the device off my head like it has burned me, and I can feel the pain of it tearing some hair out.

I bring my legs up to my chest, and wrap my hands around them as I tuck my face into my kneecaps. My body trembling as I start slightly rocking back and forth, sobs ripping their way out of my throat. I can feel the sobs escaping me tear out of my dry throat, causing my throat to feel as though it’s being shredded apart. The pain is nothing though, nothing compared to the fear and heartbreak I feel knowing everyone knows what I’ve tried so desperately to hide. Knowing that everyone knows how disgusting I am. They’ll all leave me now, wanting nothing to do with someone so gross. Wanting nothing to do with the freak breaking down in front of them. 

I hear shuffling and footsteps, realizing that everyone probably snapped out of their shock and started walking away from me at this point. They probably don’t want anything to do with me now, and  _ Lance _ … Oh god, Lance probably hates me now. He’ll never talk to me again, won’t even want to look at me at this point. I’ll lose any and all interaction I ever had the privilege of having with him before. He’ll avoid me at all costs now, and I’ll never be able to feel the comfort of being close to him again. 

All of a sudden I feel something bump into my leg as arms are thrown around my body. I flinch in fear at first, thinking someone is attacking me, but soon relax as I realize that someone’s just hugging me. I can hear my voice hitch in my throat in shock, and I just barely work up the energy needed to lift my head to find out who is hugging me. To my surprise, I’m met with the sight of Lance’s signature jacket, and his tan neck poking out of the collar. His face is smashed into my neck, and I can feel something dripping on to me. 

I jolt away in shock, pulling back just enough to see his face. I watch as his pained eyes meet mine, tears streaming down his face. A mirror image of what I can only imagine my face looks like. I don’t know what to do at this point, awkwardly holding Lance away from me. I look around him to see the rest of the paladins still frozen in place, even Coran and Allura stuck in place. The other paladins seem to be crying as well, and I can’t seem to wrap my head around why that is. They know everything now, why aren’t they disgusted by me? Why aren’t they leaving?

“I’m sorry” I hear whispered into my ear, Lance’s face once again buried into my neck. His tears leaking down into the neckline of my shirt, and I can feel the heat from his cheeks seeping into my skin. 

“W-why?” I ask in shock. What reason could he possibly have to be apologizing to me? I’m the one that should be apologizing.

“We didn’t know, we never paid enough attention to find out either. We neglected you as both friends and teammates, and we caused you to believe so many horrible things. We care so much about you Keith, you’re such a valuable teammate and friend. Please never think we dislike you or feel disgusted by you. We would  _ never _ feel that way about you. You’re not the enemy Keith, you’re a part of how dysfunctional family.” Lance states with a soft chuckle.

“Bu-but I’m disgusting… I’m half galra, and I thought you’d all hate me because of it…” I trail off as more sobs force their way out of my mouth.

“We could never hate you for that. You had no control over who your parents are, and in no way did you choose to be part of the galra race. You’re  _ nothing _ like the galra, Keith. You’re kind, sensitive, funny, self-sacrificing, empathetic, and human. You care about other people, risk your life for your teammates, put your life on the line for species you’ve never even heard about before, care so much about what others think about you, do your best to make others happy, and so much more. You’re a kind person Keith, and we wouldn’t trade you for anyone. You’re irreplaceable.” Lance says to me, holding my face in his hands so I can’t look away. His thumbs wiping away the tears cascading down my cheeks.

“You promise?” I ask, voice coming out weak and vulnerable. I can’t help but ask the question, I’m too afraid to not make sure he doesn’t regret saying all of that.

“I promise” He whispers to me, eyes glimpsing down to my lips for a quick moment. “Did you mean what you were about to say before you took off the headset?” He asks, voice turning hesitant as though he’s the one afraid of rejection.

I can feel my cheeks explode into a bright crimson red, and my body tense with hesitance and fear. I don’t know how to answer that question. If I say yes then what will I do if he decides to take everything back, if he decides he wants nothing to do with me after that? However, if I say no what will I do if I end up missing my only chance to possibly explain my feelings and have the chance for reciprocation? I make my decision as fast as I can, hesitating before I open my mouth to voice it. I’m going to tell him how I feel. Get everything out into the open, and hope for the best.

“Are you disgusted?” I ask as vulnerability slithers throughout every part of my body, showing how truly scared I am of his response. I hadn’t meant to say that, but I can’t possibly take the words back at this point. 

Next thing I know, as though his last shred of restraint snapped in half at my words, his lips are pressed to my own. I can feel my eyes widen as I freeze up, having no clue as to where to go from her. I’ve never kissed anyone before, and I have no idea of how to do it. Lance doesn’t seem to mind though, keeping our lips sealed together as he tries to guide me into joining in. I follow his lead the best I can, hesitantly moving my lips against his as though testing the waters. 

It feels nice, like my whole body’s turning to mush under his ministrations. I can’t help but moan into the kiss as I hold back choked up sobs of relief. I never want it to end, but I know it’ll have to. The kiss isn’t anything that special. Just simply lips moving against each other in inexperience, and the relief of not being rejected filling the air around us. 

“Of course I’m not, I’m just so damn relieved.” Lance states as he pulls away from me, arms still wrapped around me.

I look behind Lance to find that everyone else has left the room, most likely to give us some much-needed privacy. I don’t even realize how I’ve stopped crying, or how a large smile has planted itself onto my face, until lance grabs my face again to press another kiss to my lips.

I can tell this isn’t the end of our conversation. There’s still much to deal with, and I know I’m going to have to talk to the rest of the team after Lance and I finish having our moment. I know Lance and I have to discuss our feelings, and that I’m going to need to open up more with the team about the thoughts I’ve been having. I know that, but right now in this moment… I couldn’t be any happier.


End file.
